Thoughts For The Day...

Inspired by Tyler Perry's "The Family That Preys..."

"Are you living or are you existing?"

"I have spent my entire life giving it away, I think I'm going to keep the rest of it for me."

"You can't make yourself happy by bringing misery to others."

Growing Apart...

Today I sent out a quote that said, "I've learned that the easiest way for me to grow as a person is to surround myself with people smarter than I am."  It made me begin to think about so many different things in my life and the people that I consider to be friends and such.  My next thought was - "who is stretching me, pushing me, compelling me to be better, to do better?  Who is challenging my way of thinking?"

Sometimes people grow apart and that's not always a bad thing. If you've been friends with the same people for the last 10 years and you're all doing the same things over and over again - broke, busted and disgusted - then don't you think it's time for a change?  No, everything isn't about money, but I do believe in my heart that God wants us to be better and do better so that we can in turn help someone else be better.  Believe me, it can be intimidating for someone to challenge you and the way you've thought about things your entire life, but it's worth it!

Yes, it can be hard to let go of people and things that we are familiar with, but just think about it for a minute....  Look at your life.  Look at the people in your life.  If you have the life that you've always dreamed of then great.  If not, consider that it may be time to grow apart from some things.

Relationship Report: Celibacy

So I was going through some old e-mails and ran across an article that I shared with a friend last year.  Now the contents of the article are just as relevant now as it was then.  I'd like to know what you think about the conversation below....

RELATIONSHIP COMMENTARY

Relationship Report: Celibacy in 2011

I received three emails from three different women from three different places around the country on one day last week. All of the emails were concerning the same relationship topic:

"Dear Steven, can I be celibate and still be in a relationship?" I have been avoiding this celibacy question for a couple of years now because I don't want to be the cause of a person going to hell.

As a Christian, I know that we are supposed to wait until we are married before having sex. Having said that, I find it necessary to keep it real at all times.  All times!  When keeping it real, discussion points have to be placed in perspective. The perspective required here is that of the Average Single Sexually Active Man. Let's call him Sam. The question at hand is, Will Sam give up having sex for you?

After careful assessment of the data collection from my previous field research, I have decided that this topic is much more complicated than it initially seems. You know what? Let's just talk directly to Sam.

 Steven James Dixon: Sam, if you are in a relationship with a woman, does she have to have sex with you in order for you to remain faithful and stay in the relationship?"

 Sam: Steven, why would I wait and sacrifice sex when I can just get it from somewhere else?

 Steven James Dixon: You are right, you can get sex anywhere, but don't you want more than that out of your woman? Out of your relationship?

Sam: Yeah, I want more, I want those things when I get married, but not when I first meet a woman. When I first meet a woman I am thinking about one thing and one thing only.

 Steven James Dixon: But through the processing of that line of thinking you will undoubtedly miss out on some good women.

Sam: True, I am going to miss out on some good women, but all the good women are not celibate. Many good women like sex just as much as I do. Which circles me back to the original question, why would I wait and sacrifice sex when I can just get it from somewhere else?

 While talking with Sam I started to think maybe we are asking Sam the wrong question.

Steven James Dixon: Sam, you are not waiting or sacrificing sex, you are waiting on that specific woman. Because she is a phenomenal woman. Because that woman who is saving herself for you is special. She is unique. She is principled. She is obviously God fearing. She will be able to pray for you when you are down. She is going to be submissive.

Sam: How do I know that she is going to be all that?

Steven James Dixon: You have to stay longer and find out.

Sam: No! She has to show me more upfront. If I am going to sacrifice, then I need to know right upfront what I am sacrificing for. If I meet a woman that has not been through your training class there is no way of me knowing if she is worthy of me making that sacrifice.

And now we arrive at the problem identification.

 Celibate sister, you are not going to like what I have to say right now but it is the truth. If you want Sam, then you are going to have to show Sam your woman. Sexual women are visible to Sam on a daily basis so he will only recognize you if you stand out -- If you show him your woman. Celibate sister you are going to have to step your game up.

 If that man takes you out and spends money on you then you need to be ready to cook him a meal. Not a snack, not dinner, you need to be able to cook him something that is going to make him sit on the couch and rub his belly in a clockwise circular motion. If you want a man, you have to show him your woman. If he is showing you interest then you cannot wait for him to earn the opportunity to gain more knowledge about your woman. It doesn't have to be a candle-lit dinner. It can be a get together with friends and your place, where he gets to see how you live, how you decorate, how clean you are, how you can add value to his life.

Celibate sisters, it is your responsibility to show the man what your momma taught you. A man is not staying, not sacrificing and definitely not marrying a woman that has not shown him her wife skills. Celibacy is part of your own personal, spiritual walk. No one can walk it with you. Having said all that, if you are celibate you are not supposed to want to date Sam. Sam is average. You are better than that.

Disclaimer: I am not implying that a woman belongs in the kitchen and that a man does not cook. Man and woman can share household duties equally. Y'all get on my nerves with that.

Steven James Dixon is the author of the sure-fire conversation starter "Men Don't Heal, We Ho: A Book about the Emotional Instability of Men." Read more advice from SJD at The Relationship Report. His book is available at StevenJamesDixon.com.

Start All Over...

Have you ever done something that you felt was so bad, that you couldn't recover from it?  Have you ever found yourself in a place of personal turmoil and you had a hard time forgiving yourself and moving on?  A time where you felt there was no recovering from it....where you felt like you were being smothered in your own guilt and not even God loved you anymore?  A place where you couldn't talk to anyone about what you were dealing with for fear of them condemning you for making a mistake?  When you knew you needed a change, but didn't know how to change?

Well my friend....You Can Start All Over Again! 

There is one whose name is JESUS and He says, "I am the way, the truth, and the life..."  [John 14:6]  and "there is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus..." [Romans 8:1] 

Invite Him into your heart today and allow HIM to make all the difference.

Difficult Decisions

Sometimes decisions that bring us peace are difficult to make. 

I had to make a difficult decision this week at work that was long overdue.  However, I immediately felt as if the weight of the world was lifted off of my shoulders.  There are times when we allow others to make us uncomfortable and other times down right miserable - yet we take it for the sake of not wanting to deal with confrontation. 

I encourage you to be courageous and make the decision that you've been putting off for a long time.  Yes, it's hard, but so worth it.  You'll feel better, rest better and ultimately be better.  If not, the effects of the stress that comes as a result of the situation can and will make you sick; physically, mentally and emotionally.  We all know this!

One thing that I learned when I took a management position was to embrace confrontation and this has helped me in my personal life as well.  All confrontation is not bad confrontation.  It's the bringing together of different opinions and opposing ideas.  Steps that I take when I know confrontation is necessary:

1.  Pray and ask God for wisdom on what to say and the right time to say it. 

2.  Prepare ahead of time what I plan to say and fully understand why I am saying it.

3.  Set a time to meet on neutral ground (if possible).

4.  Whatever happens - don't get over emotional.  This is where you can lose control.

5.  Be tactful when expressing your viewpoint and allow the other person to speak without interrupting them.

6.  Avoid using terms like "you always" or "you never" but rather use specific examples.

7.  Restate what I heard the other person say to ensure I fully understand their point of view.

8.  Either agree to disagree and move on.

9.  If it's a situation where we can't just move on - work on a solution that works best for both or agree to include a mediator.

10.  Thank the person for their time and respecting your opinion.

Who Am I?

I am more deadly than the screaming shell of the cannon.

I win without killing.

I tear down homes, break hearts, and wreck lives.

I travel on the wings of the wind.

No innocence is strong enough to intimidate me, no purity pure enough to daunt me.

I have no regard for truth, no respect for justice, no mercy for the defenseless.

My victims are as numerous as the sands of the sea and often as innocent.

I never forget and seldom forgive.

My name is GOSSIP!

- Morgan Blake

Danger of Misplaced Passion

This is a clip of Prophetess Janet Floyd from Monroe, LA.  I had never heard of her before, but this morning I woke up early to get some things done before work and flipped my television on The Word Network.  She stopped me in my tracks when she began to speak and I wanted to share some of that word with you.  If it doesn't help you, it may help someone that you know.

THE DANGER OF MISPLACED PASSION....

Art of Distraction…

One of my all time favorite movies is Pretty Woman.  There is a scene where Vivian and Edward are lying in bed and Edward says to Vivian "I think you are a very bright special woman," and she responds "the bad stuff is easier to believe, you ever notice that?"

Hhmmm… why is the bad stuff easier to believe for some people?  I think at some point in time we’ve all experienced the feeling of inadequacy and thinking that we are just not good enough.  We work our fingers to the bone and accomplish things that warrant a round of applause, but yet it’s just not good enough.  Or is it?

I heard my pastor say the other day that the devil studies us in order to know how to fight against us.  I think that many times it’s by way of our esteem and self worth.  The devil has mastered the art of distraction.  If he can get us to focus on ourselves long enough and what may or may not be lacking, it will take our focus of off serving God with all our might.  We become so distracted and self absorbed until before long we are drained from fighting the wrong fight.

Let’s recognize the distraction for what it is – a tactic to keep us from being Strong and Powerful in God.  Get your focus back and know that you were fearfully and wonderfully made and that God knew you while you were yet in your mother’s womb.  He created you to do a great work for Him and He’s waiting on you.

Three Words...

"I love you.." Three words that have such a tremendous impact on our lives.  When was the last time you heard those words?  Was it from someone who meant something to you or that you wanted to hear it from? How'd it make you feel?  Who was the last person that you said it to? Did you mean it or was it something said out of routine?

One day at work I went around to each of my staff members and said, "in case no one has said it today - let me be the first to tell you that I love you!" The impact was something that I never expected. People's faces lightened up, others said you have no idea what that meant to me or OMG I needed that more than you know.  

Think about it for a moment.  I love you... I know I like hearing it and I'm sure you do too.   Love on someone today and mean it from your heart.  It'll make you feel just as good to say it as it was for them to hear it.

Go With Him...

If I haven't learned anything else, I've learned this...

The more you fight against God's will for your life - the more miserable you'll be.  Yield to His calling and ask Him to lead and guide the direction of your life. 

Remember Jeremiah 29:11..For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end

God ALREADY knows how it all ends for each of us!

WEATHER REPORT

"Any day I'm vertical
 is a good day"
...that's what I always say.

If you ask me,
"How are you?"

I'll answer, "GREAT!"
because in saying so,
I make it so.

When Life gives me dark clouds and rain,
I appreciate the moisture
that brings a soft curl to my hair.

When Life gives me sunshine,
I gratefully turn my face up
to feel its warmth on my cheeks.

When Life brings fog,
I hug my sweater around me
and give thanks for the cool shroud of mystery
that makes the familiar seem different and intriguing.

When Life brings snow,
I dash outside to catch the first flakes on my tongue,
relishing the icy miracle that is a snowflake.

Life's events and experiences
are like the weather -
they come and go,
no matter what my preference.

So, what the heck?!
I might as well decide to enjoy them.

For indeed,
there IS a time for every purpose
under Heaven.

And each season brings its own unique blessings.

- By BJ Gallagher